Will your marriage survive menopause?

Over 60 percent of divorces are initiated by women in their 40s, 50s or 60s — the menopause years — according to a recent survey conducted by AARP Magazine. Why are women running away from marriage?

I wasn’t even married when I slammed into menopause months before my wedding day at the age of 47. Despite being completely in love, I almost ran away and my fiance almost married bridezella!

Experts say the number one reason for divorce is lack of communication. My response from the ladies corner, “When everything you know to be normal is being kidnapped by changing hormones, communication may be last on the list. Throw in lifestyle changes, health and aging issues, and you are left in a small evaporating puddle of low self-esteem feeling hopeless.”

Many men blame lack of sex as the leading reason for midlife divorce. But is it? AARP poled 1,682 adults ages 45 and older on the importance of sex. Two-thirds of men (66 percent) and about half of women (48 percent) agreed that a satisfying sex life was important to their quality of life. That is only an 18 percent difference. So is it lack of sex, or a breakdown in communication chasing the women away?

Navigating a course in uncharted territory can test any relationship emotionally and sexually. It can also bring a couple closer — it did for me.

Purchasing midlife marriage insurance can help combat the unforeseen hazards during the menopause transition. How do you qualify for this love insurance? The first step is to understand how menopause can affect your love life.

Ladies first.

Menopause is a life transition that can affect you physically and emotionally. Your body is experiencing fluctuating hormones that can cause hot flashes, night sweats, itchy skin, migraine headaches, breast tenderness, vaginal dryness and irregular periods. Eighty percent of women will experience uncomfortable symptoms, and the majority struggle with midlife weight gain.

Many women feel unattractive going through so many uninvited changes. Some suffer from exhaustion, depression and moodiness leaving them feeling isolated and confused.

During menopause a woman’s brain also goes through changes. Dr. Louann Brizendine (author of The Female Brain) says, “The mommy brain unplugs. Menopause means the end of the hormones that have boosted communication circuits, emotion circuits, the drive to tend and care, and the urge to avoid conflict at all costs.”
There are additional factors on top of fluctuating hormones that may contribute to a lack of communication and interest in sex.

Dr. Wendy Klein, co-author of The Menopause Makeover and leading menopause expert, informed me, “If a woman is taking medications, such as antidepressants, mood stabilizers, contraceptive drugs, antihistamines, sedatives, antihypertensives and/or medications for blood pressure, this can also decrease sexual desire.”

Midlife stresses brought on by career change, the loss of a loved one, empty nest syndrome or caring for elderly parents can contribute to a declining libido.

Throw in aging issues and the last thing on a menopausal woman’s mind is communicating. This woman is in self-survival mode, and may be in no mood to connect or make whoopi.

If she is in an unsupported relationship while managing this collection of changes, leaving the marriage may appear like her only salvation.

Gentlemen — your turn.

How many factors listed above is your partner experiencing? It is no surprise why men are afraid of menopause. His woman is changing in front of his eyes.

Women are not alone suffering from changes. Men also have midlife challenges, both physically and emotionally. Declining testosterone can affect libido, moods and sexual performance. Generally a man’s hormones change gradually compared to the woman’s experience during menopause, so it may not be obvious to the man that he too is changing. Some of these unwelcomed changes may include midlife stress, as well as health and aging issues. If both partners are experiencing change, the relationship may be on an emotional roller coaster.

Approximately 47 percent of women experience sexual difficulties with a decrease of sexual desire being the most common, according to the National Health and Social Survey and the Global Study of Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors.

It is no surprise that most men associate menopause with having less sex. But, it does not have to be this way. The man can actually help save a shaky midlife marriage with some handy tools to power charge the relationship. Women who have a supportive partner often have a smoother transition through menopause. When she is happy, he is happy.

Acquiring midlife marriage insurance takes action to make a difference.

Midlife Marriage Insurance For Him
1. Listen to her; don’t criticize or try to fix her.
2. Go with the flow; be prepared for mood swings.
3. Be compassionate, and validate her experience (that means agree with her, don’t try to fix her).
4. Be romantic. Bring her flowers for no reason. Make her dinner. Give her a massage. Make it about HER.
5. Cuddle more. Tell her you love her and that she is beautiful. You may just get lucky. If not, do not take it personally.
6. If YOU are not in the mood, keep her company shopping, she will love the company
7. Support healthy eating and exercise choices. Join her for a walk or go on a hunting expedition at the grocery store to find new healthy foods.
8. Don’t ignore her menopause symptoms. Talk about it. Ask her what she needs to feel better.
9. Offer support if she needs to visit her healthcare provider to discuss menopause symptoms, a low libido or depression.
10. If numbers one through nine fail – disappear for a while. She may be seriously cranky and need space to focus on herself.

Success depends on going through this transition as a team! Both partners must contribute to have a successful marriage.

Midlife Marriage Insurance For Her
1. Track menopause symptoms and discuss treatment options with your healthcare provider.
2. Make a commitment to a healthy lifestyle. Exercise most days of the week. Eat nutritious meals. Watch portions.
3. Update your beauty regimen.
4. Build a support group.
5. Communicate with your partner. Don’t shut him out – let him know what you need. Understand he may be confused by your changes.
6. If you are not happy in your current relationship, discuss counseling.
7. Be receptive to creative adjustments in lovemaking activities.
8. If your libido is low and/or you are suffering from vaginal dryness, discuss your treatment options with your healthcare practitioner. There are hormone and non-hormone options available.
9. Pamper yourself.
10. Try to stay positive.

Communicate, support each other’s needs, get counseling if needed, add romance, adjust lovemaking activities, and your odds increase that your marriage will survive menopause. Being on the same team will nourish a healthy, loving relationship that can last a lifetime.

Life is constantly changing, and marriage is no different. Have real expectations, and acknowledge that your relationship goes through transitions. This will help you weather difficult times.

Midlife is an opportunity for both men and women. If you are prepared, informed and willing, your marriage can survive menopause. A loving relationship supported with good communication can strengthen your love life at any age.

This menopausal bride made it down the aisle of love. Both my partner and I said “I do” to communication and romance during menopause. We are still happily married five years later and ready to leap over the seven-year itch together.

References
Montenegro, X. The Divorce Experience: A Study of Divorce at Midlife and Beyond. AARP, May 2004.
Brizendine, L. The Female Brain. New York: Broadway Books; 2006.
Jonekos, S. and W. Klein. The Menopause Makeover. Ontario, Canada: Harlequin Enterprises; 2009.

How To Maximize Your Workout

Are you exercising at your target heart rate?

Once you commit to an exercise regime, your secret weapon is utilizing your target heart rate ensuring an effective workout. The target heart rate (THR) is your pulse rate per minute, and it can guide you through safely exercising while maximizing your routine.

What is your target heart rate? Click here.

Wear a heart rate monitor when exercising to track your target heart rate. During cardio sessions your target heart rate range should be between 60% (fitness zone) and 80% (aerobic zone) of your maximum heart rate. Monitoring your target heart rate is a great way to make sure you are pushing yourself hard enough to get the fat burning and cardio results you want.

Set goals using your target heart rate. Pace yourself if you have been inactive. If you are not at 60% of your target heart rate, push a little harder and watch your fitness level improve. Within six months of regular exercise you may be able to exercise at 80% of your maximum heart rate.

Always discuss your exercise choices with your healthcare provider. Click here for more information.

How exfoliation can erase years off your face

In with the new, out with the old

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them at? Well lately – NOT ME!

With the list of menopause symptoms getting longer each month, now my make-up is making me look older. The one time in my life that I want to “hide” behind a full face of make-up hoping age won’t find me, just isn’t working any more. The fine lines on my face and neck are just getting deeper, no thanks to the lower levels of estrogen in my body. Applying make-up and light powder just makes the lines just look worse. It has gotten so bad that my husband suggested I not wear make-up at all. This story has a happy ending, and it doesn’t involve going to a plastic surgeon. Theresa, a dear friend and beauty consultant, suggested exfoliation. Once I started a weekly program of exfoliation, I immediately looked years younger.

Every 28 days skin renews itself leaving your skin with a fresh layer of baby cells. As we get older this shedding process, called desquamation, slows down leaving us with fine lines, dry areas and an uneven skin texture. Make-up can really accentuate this dilemma.

Exfoliation stimulates new cell growth by removing the cells your body is no longer shedding. It helps your body with the desquamation process by stripping the dead epidermal cells on the outer surface of your skin and exposing a fresher layer of living cells. It takes a few days for a noticeable amount of dead cells to accumulate. It is best to exfoliate once or twice a week. You don’t want to irritate your skin or remove healthy living cells by doing it daily.

Benefits of Exfoliation

• Removes the top layer of dead cells, so the cells turn over at a faster rate revealing softer, smoother skin
• Improves the texture of your skin
• Helps reduce fine lines and wrinkles
• Un-clogs pores
• Makes your skin look healthier, fresher and more radiant
• Gives your skin a good base to absorb moisturizers and other skin products
• Boosts your circulation from the friction

Exfoliation can benefit the skin on your face, around your lips, neck, elbows, knees and feet. Lately I have noticed the skin on my heels starting to crack and the skin on my elbows seems thicker. This dilemma has improved as a result of exfoliating. For those of you who love self-tanning, exfoliation will be your new best friend. It is a great technique to blend around the feet, elbows and knees.

There are three different exfoliating methods.

Manual
Chemical
Enzyme

Manual exfoliation is moved across your skin’s surface using your fingers or buff puff. You are removing the dead cells by scraping off the top surface with physical friction. Many manufacturers use natural products such as seeds, apricot pits, or crushed oyster shells as the ingredient that causing friction. Some products use round beads or poly spheres that can be easier on the skin.

Chemical exfoliates are a topical bio engineered ingredient that can dissolve the glue like substance that holds the dead cells together. Most chemical exfoliates use either Alpha Hydroxy Acids or Beta Hydroxy Acids. This type of exfoliation is applied to the skin then rinsed off. You do not “scrub” to enjoy the benefits. The “chemical” does the work.

Enzymes work by dissolving the dead tissue. The enzymes are molecules that catalyze chemical reactions of other substances. The product is applied then washed off. You do not manually “scrub” your skin. The enzyme does the work for you.
You have three choices: manually scrub off the dead cells, dissolve the glue like substance that holds the dead cells together with chemicals or dissolve the dead tissue with enzymes. They all work equally well. I prefer to exfoliate manually because it feels good to scrub my face.

I was absolutely amazed at the results of such an inexpensive and simple process. Not only is my facial skin benefiting, but my elbows and feet are too. Exfoliation is my new anti-aging weapon.

Are you counting calories or nutritional value?

Counting calories helped me conquer the menopause bulge! Thanks to Dr. David Katz, director and co-founder of the Yale Prevention Research Center who created a nutritional scoring system called NuVal, I was able to watch calories and eat nutritious foods!

Dr. Katz, nutrition columnist to “O” Magazine and medical contributor for ABC News, created NuVal to make your life easier when making food selections. If you ask yourself “what are the healthiest breads, snack bars, cereals, and pastas,” then Dr. Katz has a solution for you.

Should you buy wheat or oatmeal bread? Are pretzels more nutritious than tortilla chips? These are the decisions that NuVal scores can help you make – in seconds – as you’re walking down the supermarket aisle. NuVal is currently in use in more than 525 supermarkets in 18 states. Click here for grocery store locations.

The Nuval Scoring System assigns the healthiness score to various food items on a scale from 1 to 100. The scale uses criteria like vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and healthy omega three fat content in the rating. Also, the system takes into account the sugar and cholesterol content of the food.

The Menopause Makeover supports good nutrition, and the NuVal scoring system can make your life easier when making food choices. Do you know the healthiest breads or salty snacks? You may be surprised. Click here for the scores of your favorite foods.

Recently, The American College of Preventive Medicine (ACPM), a leading organization of some of the country’s top physicians committed to preventing disease and promoting health, has officially endorsed the NuVal Nutritional Scoring System as an easy and effective way to help consumers learn about the foods they buy.

“When we created NuVal, our primary goal was to address the public health crisis related to food choices, including obesity and diabetes, with a simple solution that was accessible to everyone,” Dr. Katz said. “We feel we have created that in NuVal and are delighted to gain the acceptance of an organization that shares our passion for health promotion.”

It is never too late to improve your health with good nutrition.

NuVal takes all the guesswork out of identifying truly more nutritious food. When you are battling the menopause bulge, good nutrition is the ticket to good health.

NuVal is Menopause Makeover approved!